Something I didn't write, but needs to go somewhere, because there's too many misogynists running around like it's OK lately.

Why the friendzone is bullshit and self-proclaimed "nice guys" are misogynists »

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As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…

“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”

and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”

Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?

From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.

Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?

Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman. They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”
-A girl named Katt 

An update

I have a herniated disc. Caused by back spasms and a compressed spine.
It is slowly starting to feel better.

Just thought I'd give y'all an update.

Thanks for all the love guys!

On the pain that won't go away.

It's been awhile since I've updated.

• I'm in Alberta at my friend Jamie's house
• I was in Vancouver for three weeks before this
• I've been here for a month
• I'm not sure when I'm going home

On Saturday I started having back spasms resulting in this: 

And that brings us to today, Wednesday.  I have no idea what to do anymore. What started in my back has traveled.
The constant knots and spasms over the last few days have started going from my jaw/neck area down to my knee on my right side.  My hand is pins and needles, and I’m having a hard time seeing out of my right eye (my left eye is normally the bad one).  

I’ve taken all I can.  I don’t know what else to do.  Heat is bad.  Cold is bad. I’ve been trying to ice/heat all day to no avail.  I’ve tried “walking it off”, which just pissed my body off even more.
I tried ignoring it, I’ve tried sleeping through it, I’ve tried resting it and there’s nothing I can do.  

If anyone out there has any ideas, please, send them my way…

Oh yea, and I wrote a short piece for the Cap Courier.

You can read it by clicking here.

I haven't posted in months...

And all I'm really doing is saying that my friend Charlotte Ogborne made these kickass stickers/images/whatevers for me.

If you're interested in using them/buying them/paying her anything for use of them, please email her at charlotteogborne@hotmail.com

Cheers, kiddos!

Someone else's writing hitting home, and one of the most difficult posts I've written yet.

I get small windows of opportunity to be a fun person.

"I don’t always know when they’ll arrive, or how long they’ll stay. Pushing myself results in physical pain from fatigue or feeling like my skull is empty and just holding conversation is difficult.

It isn’t that I don’t want to do all of the things but I actually can’t. If you are finding it difficult to adjust to my new lifestyle, please remember I didn’t choose it. It isn’t something I want, however it’s something I have to work with.

I’m feeling like I’m being left behind (which I think is a common for people with chronic illness) and thats a really motherfucking shitty feeling, but I am just about done with getting heartbroken when friends repeatedly prove they don’t get it at all.

Yes, I look healthy and the same as i did before. No, I’m not always in pain. Yes, sometimes fatigue can come on in a matter of minutes. I mentally live a week in advance so I can plan out my energy, and even then it doesn’t always work out how I want. That makes me angry, and it makes me upset.

You don’t get to see that side of me declining invites. The side where I have to consider the fact that just getting to the house/gig/lunch might leave me so tired that it isn’t worth going. Or the part where I’m sat at home wishing that I didn’t have to consider something important on Thursday when planning my Saturday night.

Not being able to go to things stings a lot, not being invited stings even more.

I don’t know where this is going anymore. I’m sure I had a point, at some point.

Basically, I feel like I got some perspective today. About what’s important. I’m still trying to separate getting older and getting bitter but I guess sometimes they come hand in hand."

-Kelly

                                                                                                                                                                   

This.  I get this.
Ok, it sounds bad.  I don't have that feeling of being left out so much as Kelly does.  I don't have that heartbreaking feeling.  I do, however, feel like I have to pick and choose what I do and that I'm a constant let down when I have to cancel plans all the time, avoid doing things (sorry friends - sometimes I avoid your calls and texts because I'm too embarrassed and sad to decline YET AGAIN), and say no to doing things because it's too far away from my house.  This town doesn't have reliable transit, and I can't be spending as much money as I would like on cabs.  Sometimes I feel fine when I go out, but if it gets too loud I get confused and feel really sick and need to go home immediately.  I feel guilty for asking someone to take me home, so I avoid the whole thing and just don't even bother.  I've sat at home more nights than I can remember crying because I miss what my life was a year ago so much.
It's hard to let these feelings out sometimes.  It's really hard to have to make excuses for why I can't make it out.
Tonight, for example, I was so excited to be going out.  A restaurant across the street and a pub for kareoke which is just down the road.  After a venue change my day changed.  The new venue is across town, and I don't have that easy access to home that I need.  So I won't be going (Sorry Michelle! And Crystal! And Nicole! And everyone else I told I was going out tonight! I suck!) because I don't know how I'll feel later and I don't want to pay a $70 in cabs.  It's not worth it.  I mean, going and seeing my friends is worth it, but if I feel like ass after half an hour and need to come home it won't be.  (Are we with me? Great)  It's frustrating to say the same thing over and over and over again, and if one more person says "Well, if you drove it wouldn't be a problem" I will hit you really hard no matter how much I love you...because that's ignorant.
So, I don't really know what I'm trying to say.  It's hard.  I want to participate.  I want to go out.  I want to see my friends and meet new people and be social.  I just don't know how to do that when I have no way home and I get overwhelmed easily and I'm sensitive to new things.
These are my issues, I know, but it's just very difficult.
So, I guess, I don't know.  I don't know how to say this without sounding like a total douchey asshole.
Dear friends,
It's important that I still get to see you and go out with y'all.  It is.  If you invite me to something, pretty please try to remember my new normal, and some of my new limitations and how quickly I can go from feeling ok to really NOT feeling ok.  It's frustrating, I understand.  You are all so great and always ask how you can help, or if you can, so I ask you this: Please think about accessibility when we're going somewhere.  If you invite me out somewhere, think how can she get there? How can she get home? Will it be loud? Are there lots of stairs? How are her legs today?
I know it's asking a lot.  Trust me.  I've had a really hard time writing this post because I feel like such a jerk asking these things.  But - for those of you (and there are plenty) that have asked, this is what you can do.

Please don't take offense to any of this, I really just needed to get this off my chest, and it definitely doesn't apply to 100% of the time, just sometimes, and now I'm making excuses for my feelings and blah blah blah.

Thanks for reading.  I hope this makes sense.

a quote.

“Chronic pain is a world unto itself. The simple things in life are no longer simple. In fact, life itself is no longer simple. Pain moves from being an unwanted, occasional guest intruding in one’s life to being the driving force behind nearly all decisions. Daily choices are governed by the need to survive mentally, physically, and emotionally from day to day. Ordinary life becomes a battlefield.”

i have no idea where this came from, but it is so, so accurate.